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February 9, 2013

7 essential habits to make your relationships work

Essentials of Healthy Relationships

Eventually, everything we do and want into our lives relates to habits. From happiness to helpfulness, from gratitude to greatness, everything can be achieved by prolonged practice of activities that eventually turn into habits and make you an expert in that segment of your life.

And you can apply the exact same technique to relationships too! Whether you want to create new relationship or simple keep your current ones on positive graphs, these 7 habits will help you keep your relationships healthy and blooming!

1. Love yourself and others – How can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself well enough? This simple little habit of having a mindset of loving yourself gives you a stage to connect with good people and attract people to relate. Dress well, keep your body healthy, have a plan for the future, stay committed to your work, strive to achieve your goals.

As Steven Handel suggests, all of our relationships stem from our ability to love ourselves. In his book A Roadmap to Relationships he advocates a simplified love meditation exercise you can use to cultivate love and self-compassion.

Make your life about yourself primarily and once you become good at that, you’ll find people who’ll want to relate with you simply because they want to be like you!

2. Forgive easily and expect less – There won’t be one guy on the planet who doesn’t have conflicts with people. Everyone has conflicts. But, it’s what you mentally and physically think and do after the conflict that makes that relationship lag and suffer. It’s our lack of abilities to forgive that creates our own mental harassments.

It isn’t even necessary to affirm your forgiveness. Doing it even mentally makes you more confident and connects with your own self and others’.

3. Strive for excellence, speak less – This has some really strong connecting with loving yourself. If you want to keep your relationships healthy, you got to practice what Cal Newport suggests in his book Be So Good they Can’t Ignore You. Have you noticed the title? In this short guide to excellence he suggests that when you become so good at your task, people just can’t ignore you! And of course, good relationships follow excellence.

4. Accept people the way they are – How long have you been trying to alter the behavior of your family members and friends and co-workers? How long have they been trying to do the same with you? It doesn’t work.

Trying to change someone is like trying to reimagine the universe from the ground up because it has its own thoughts and analytical procedures. Spend that time trying to transform yourself and you’ll never want to look back.

5. Abstain from nagging without reason – Nagging is when you keep demotivating a person’s morale for feeling superior at a specific point of conversation. “You look dumb!” “I know you couldn’t pass that exam!” “You’re a lousy reader!” “You can’t even manage yourself, how do you think you’ll manage you life?”

We experience such nagging from our parents, teachers or friends and unless it is done with a reason to bring positive outcomes, it degrades the morale of that person and makes him want to relate with you less often.

6. Cultivate honesty – Ask a girl what she expects from the guy of her dreams and honesty will be on the list without doubt, not just in words but also in deeds. Often people abstain from truth just because they think it’s either not the right time or they’ll have to face relation-turmoil if they disclosed that truth.

Once you cultivate honesty as your everyday habit, people will begin to trust you more. They’ll ask for your opinions and strive to have your company.

7. Always keep secret, a secret! – As humans, we gossip. We always have this flood of information we want to spit out to people so that we look impressive and easily communicable. And in our efforts to build that impression, sometimes we give out our best kept secrets – the secrets we share with our friends and families.

Cultivate a habit of keeping secrets to yourself.

Eventually, habits are learn-and-go process. We’ve to make effort and with trial and error, gradually, we reach a point where we can relate with our own experiences and apply the lessons in our live. What are your life lessons about relationships? Illustration by Deana via Flickr